Nursing home rivalry to be settled in obscure manner

An age-old rivalry has come to fruition. And when the term “age-old” is used, it has a very literal meaning. Residents of Singing Valley Retirement Center and the Duffington Hills Nursing Home have for many years been bitter rivals when it comes to nursing home related pride. Now the time has come to finally settle the argument on which place has the more ‘febrezed’ bathrooms, the more courteous staff, and, of course, the better grandchildren. Oddly the two homes have decided there can be only one competition that will settle this decade long debate, a dance-off.

Singing Valley and Duffington Hills have been bitter rivals since the infamous “Ice Cream Social Scuffle of 1966″ where members of both homes got into a heated argument over whether the Bingo caller had said “B” or “G.” (The missing section to the story is that the caller was actually calling I-34, but hearing aids were so poor in 1966 that the caller was unable to be heard). Since that day Singing Valley and Duffington Hills have taken part in several competitions to try to settle their squabble. These have included: who can get the most frustrated with modern technology, who can repeat the same story more times, and who could hand out the most hard candy to unenthusiastic children.

The local Duffington Legion will be the site for the upcoming dance-off. The place was picked due to its ample seating and the familiarity of the building to the competitors. The competition will began at 2 pm, with a dinner of meat loaf and mashed potatoes served afterward. The actual competition is set to run from 2-3pm and 4-5pm, with a one hour nap space between the two sessions. An illustrious panel of judges will grade the dancers and award the winning retirement home with the “Best Retirement Home” trophy. Everyone is invited to come down and watch, and encouraged to cheer loudly for their favorite nursing home.

Massey out.

Editor’s Note: At the time of release the dance-off  has been postponed. This comes following a statement by Dan Gabels, a Duffington Insurance Consultant, where he stated the insurance policies of the two retirement homes do not cover ‘dance competitions’ and that until further notice the dance-off would have to wait.

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