When times used to get tough for Marty Hinberg he would think of his childhood idol Arnold Palmer. Palmer, the legendary men’s golfer, brought publicity and popularity to the growing sport in the 1960′s and was an integral part of Hinberg’s life.
“To be honest, I idolize the man,” said Hinberg. “He was motivation for me to be a great person and to always try my best. Not to mention his amazing golfing ability. I’ve always dreamed of a swing like that. Arnold has always been there for me, through thick and thin. It’s as if I have a senior-citizen-gold-champion-guardian angel, watching over me.”
Arnold Palmer seemed to help out Mr. Hinberg out of another dire situation this past weekend. Hinberg, who on Thursday had ventured out into the local Duffington desert to explore, found himself lost with minimal rations and water. In a matter of hours after the acknowledgment of being lost Hinberg’s supply of Aquafina and Mars Bars was quickly consumed. (Although Hinberg claims he was mugged and his supplies were stolen by a “desert bandit”). Using his skills garnered from a childhood in Eagle Scouts, Hinberg began constructing several rain catchers and a means to signal any sort of airplane. (It should be noted that Hinberg’s ”childhood in Eagle Scouts” amounted to him attending one meeting, and learning to tie a basic knot before giving up in a fit of rage).
For three days Hinberg survived in the desert climate, without food or water. His conditions started to worsen as the effects of dehydration set in. Quickly things went from ‘okay, I’m in a desert’ to ‘oh shit, I’m in a desert’ as the realization of Hinberg’s entrapment set in. “I was scared. My life was no longer in my control. Without food and water I was literally dying with each passing second. I thought for sure I was a goner.”
It was at this point that Hinberg’s all-time hero stepped in to save the day. Not in a literal sense, because quite frankly it’s unclear on how a 82-year-old man would pull Hinberg to safety. But Arnold Palmer was there to help, the drink that is.
“It was on Sunday that Arnold visited me,” joked Hinberg with a smile. “I awoke to the baking rays of the sun when all of a sudden I could hear a plane coming. It was the first plane I had seen. Needless to say I was excited, but my condition prevented me from being able to try and signal them. It was depressing. At that point I figured my fate was sealed, my one chance for rescue had passed.”
Then with a mighty thump Hinberg found salvation. What landed in his rain catcher not rain, but something more powerful than rain. Something more amazing than liberation and more miraculous than, well a miracle. It was a crate of Arnold Palmer, the drink. The plane that flew over Hinberg’s camp was in fact an air shipment of Arnold Palmer, 400 cases to be exact, that was headed to refresh spectators at Duffington’s annual Barbecue Cook-Off. Somehow one of the crates had came dislodged and was able to eject itself from the cargo bay, falling peacefully to the desert below.
“When I first saw it I thought I was hallucinating. There was no way it could be real, but it was! It was Arnold Palmer, there to get me out of another tight jam.”
Running to the crate Hinberg tore it open and saw his savior, the Arnold Palmer drink. Opening can after can Hinberg drank to his heart’s content. Rehydrated and refueled Hinberg decided to take his rescue into his own hands. With the energy he acquired Hinberg was able to run over 55 miles to the safety of the nearest town. He arrived at the hospital without a hint of dehydration.
Was it an Arnold Palmer miracle? You decide. Massey out.