Mark Twain Rolls Over in Grave Due to Lack of Picket Fences to Whitewash

Tomorrow (February 17), marks the anniversary of the publishing of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. However, this story has nothing to do with the aforementioned book, it deals with the author and his other works of writing genius. The author of this prized book, Mark Twain, has written many other classics, such as The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. THAT book is what this article is about. But the story digresses….

As most people are aware, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer contain a scene in which the plotting youngster Tom, tricks his friends into whitewashing a picket fence for him. He does so by playing off the chore as if it were the greatest thing since sliced bread (which in those days it might have been, the time period must be taken into account). Anyways the act of whitewashing a picket fence is what this story is about. Again, the story digresses….

Archaeologists and scientists from Hilbert University recently noted an increase in seismic activity around Elmira, NY. Further investigation led to the Elmira Woodland Cemetary, the final resting place of author Mark Twain. After a great bit of pondering, and a considerable amount of head scratching the research team made a huge discovery.

“It appeared that Mr. Twain had moved,” said Greg Gregman, the lead research manager. “In fact, he had turned over. Yes, that’s correct he rotated, a complete 180 degrees, in his grave.”

Upon further immersion into the case historians accredit the lack of picket fences to the cause of such turning. According to the US Department of Defense the number of white picket fences has diminished at a rate of 6.7% since 1955, leading to what has now been coined as “the extinction of picket fences.”

Indeed, the lack of picket fence demand in manufacturers was directly linked to the stock market crash in 2008. And their production has never returned. Homeowners are preparing for a decade of picket fence-less properties, and apparently so is Mark Twain. He’s done so by pointing his arse toward our world. Ouch…

R.I.P. Picket Fences…………tear. Massey out.

One thought on “Mark Twain Rolls Over in Grave Due to Lack of Picket Fences to Whitewash

  1. Pingback: Los Angeles Excited For Football Team, Forgetting Major Downside « News4Mass

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