Intervention: Acceptance By The Male Populace That They Will Never Become Ryan Gosling

Now well into 2012 much of the population has already accepted that they will not remain diligent in their New Years Resolutions. They will give up on those weight loss goals, go back to hating their families, and give up on their electric guitar playing dreams (which translates into increased sales of air guitars). Yet, for the male populace, one resolution/goal remains constant: to look like a celebrity. Perhaps it’s that everyone recognizes the face, that they make more money in a photo shoot than the average american makes in a year, or that they are just damn good looking. Whatever the case may be men idolize those high-rolling, handsome men on top. But as the days keep ticking by I feel the need to address this problem.

Men, you will never become Ryan Gosling. No act of god, or secret lotion purchased from the creepy gypsy woman will magically turn you into a suave, sweet-smelling actor who makes the ladies swoon. As much as you want that to be the case it must be accepted that this image is just not you. If it were you would’ve had a six-pack at age 11. I’m by no means saying self-improvement is something to disregard, but rather be a little more realistic.

There’s an old saying that goes, “Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.” As uplifting as that may have seemed in elementary school, the actual meaning  is a little ridiculous. I don’t want to be a Debbie-Downer, but I think it’s safe to say that maybe this saying fits your situation a little better: “Go ahead, shoot for Hollywood, and when you fail and end up in Cedar City, Utah at least you’re not where you started.”

Have you accepted the fact that you will not wake up tomorrow with a six-pack and a set of biceps that rip even the most generous shirt? Good, here are some tips to improve your life and come a step closer to total self-confidence.

#1 – Bathroom Preparation – Shower Regularly

This tip is often downplayed or flat out ignored as a way of self-improvement for men. Usually such tips focus on hitting the gym or eating better, which are decent tips, but if you’re hitting the gym and then not hitting the showers it can be destructive. Depending on your personal level of BO, and your sweat levels showering more than once a day may be necessary. In doing so make sure to lather the entire body and work to clean those spots which normally don’t receive as much attention. As you step out of the shower you should FEEL like a million bucks, we will get to looking like a million bucks later.

While most people choose the option of “toweling-off” after a shower if you have time try blow drying off. While this may seem ridiculous and unreasonable it honestly does not take as long as it seems. And afterwards you will feel totally dry and handsome. Be sure to moisturize the body following the shower/drying period. Multiple showers a day can leave the skinny dry and scaly, something no celebrity has. Also, be sure to apply some to the facial region as to ensure smooth and decadent skin.

#2 – Be Original

Take this piece of advice with a grain of salt. But whether it’s fashion or language, try to be as original as possible. Make yourself stand out from the crowd, don’t wear ALL the name brand clothing or dress the way Hollister models do (but as I said, be leery, don’t go out and buy yourself a pair of pink parachute pants then blame me when you spend your weekends alone). Also, and this is the more important part of the “Be Original” tip is to be original when it comes to language. Be creative, increase your vocabulary. And try to decrease the mindless quoting of movie lines to be funny as much as possible. While most women will not find the references as funny as your bros it also helps bring out your own personal sense of humor. Which may be funnier than you think…

#3 – Educate Yourself In The Finer Points Of Life

Rather than learning the names of your favorite teams entire offensive line, spend a little time educating yourself on something classy. These means of education are all over the internet. Learn more about the stock market or some random facts that could become great conversation starters. If you’re a gym rat who only moves between the squat rack and the bench press sign up for a Yoga or Tai Chi class! Just try something new and learn about something you have always been curious about.


With these tips you cannot fail, so use them and reap the benefits of being interesting, attractive, and irresistible.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s