Hot on the heels of Tim Tebow’s trade to the New York Jets, Las Vegas sports agencies released new betting odds on the trajectory of Tebow’s career now that he’s moved from the relative obscurity of Denver to New York, where media scrutiny will be almost as overwhelming as the time his brother Jesus stopped for a tour of Madison Square Garden. Oddsmakers cautioned that these numbers could change in the event that Broncos fans, enraged after the trade of their hero, rise up and banish Peyton Manning to whatever universe swallowed up Sisqo. As they currently stand, the up-to-date odds on Tebow’s career are as follows:
Tebow donating change to 1 homeless person: Even
Tebow donating change to every NYC homeless person: Even
Trade overturned when Tebow realizes sexy-time happens in NY: 2-1
Tebow replacing Mark Sanchez as the Jets starting QB: 3-1
Spin-off TV show starring Tebow as a rogue NYC cop created: 4-1
Sanchez killing Tebow in NYC taxi cab: 5-1
Angry mob forms and chases Tebow to Pennsylvania: 7-1
Tebow hitting the broadside of any barn in the greater NY metro area: 8-1
Brett Favre replaces Tebow and Sanchez, confuses everyone: 10-1
Tebow falling out of a boat and hitting any body of water: 15-1
Tebow discerning his ass from a hole in the ground: 18-1
Broadway hit “Godspell” changes name to “Tebowspell:” 20-1
Home Alone 6, starring Tebow as the child left at home, immediately goes into pre-production: 50-1
People begin to recognize the state of New York on maps because it looks like a giant “Tebowing:” 75-1
Israel and Palestine call a ceasefire due to their agreement the Jets gave up too much for Tebow: 100-1
Jets fans are happy with the trade: 100,000-1
*Side note: As of the posting time, no bets had been placed or wagered on Tebow’s actual game performance.
Too legit for Newt-mentum,
MC Martel
