Darth Vader, Galaxy’s Worst Father?

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away……lived a terrible dad.

If that doesn’t sound like a catchy opening to an episode of Maury, then we’re out of luck, because history is about to be made. Maury Povich, the talk show host of Maury, will make intergalactic news next Wednesday when he welcomes perhaps his most famous deadbeat dad. The title, which in recent years has been hotly contested for, will be handed to the sith lord Darth Vader, the father of Luke Skywalker.

Vader, whose name has been associated with poor parenting for decades, will walk on Maury’s stage fully ready to face harassment from the audience. “My years of training on the dark side have given me a pretty decent training toward facing these kinds of crowds,” Lord Vader said. However, the real question will be whether Vader is prepared to face his son, the young Skywalker, and hear what he has to say. During past confrontations Skywalker has had little time to speak his mind, with much of their time together being spent light-saber dueling, or cutting off appendages. The executives at NBC will have no such actions aired on public television and released a statement in which they said they hoped the episode would “remain civil, with both parties feeling equally represented.”

As ‘civil’ as the executives want you to believe it will be there is little doubt that the audience, along with the rest of America, has made up their mind about Darth Vader. The man, who avoided his son for at least 20 years suddenly wanted to be part of his son’s life? As Americans we’re all for capitalism and supporting the family business, but asking your son you haven’t ever seen to suddenly join the dark side is a bit sketchy. Plus that family business involved some pretty shady activities. Honestly they were driving vehicles called “Star Destroyers” and lived in the “DEATHSTAR!” The morbid titles should have caused alarm in the young Skywalker from the start. He did the right thing turning down that dark side business deal, and he has perfectly good reasons to be angry with his father. For starters, it’s unlikely that Vader has paid intergalactic child support all these years, so Skywalker basically raised himself. Also, Vader cut off his son’s own hand! And after, what Vader refers to as an “accident,” did Vader pay the medical bills? Of course not! He left his son to die. Why no one has called the Department of Child Services on him is astounding. Dumb stormtroopers…

So tune in to Maury this week to see Darth defend himself on basic television. You may be the only viewer. Coming up next, Captain Kirk sues Spock for an unpaid loan on the People’s Court!

Massey out.

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2 thoughts on “Darth Vader, Galaxy’s Worst Father?

  1. Pingback: Zombie Runnings! The Coolest 5K Idea Ever « News4Mass

  2. Pingback: Why the Hell do we do This??? (Rants by Nathan Howell) « News4Mass

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