Man Futilely Tries To Bring Starbucks Coffee Into Panera

Authorities in Orange County are used to stopping at the local Panera Bread. Just not used to stopping at the local Panera Bread to make arrests. But Friday was not a normal day for Orange County Police, as they were called to the cafe in order to apprehend Will Vernon, a customer who had attempted to smuggle in a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino. It was only a matter of seconds after arrival were the police able to subdue the violent offender, but as the mess was cleaned up it seemed that there were more questions than answers.

What was the man thinking? Did he not realize the blasphemy of his actions? Onlookers reported seeing Vernon enter the building at around 9:15 a.m. clearly distraught. As he approached the counter he looked increasingly nervous as he uttered out his order to Vanessa James, the Panera employee working the cash register at the time.

When Ms. James asked him if he was okay he reportedly screamed, “NO I DON’T HAVE A STARBUCKS COFFEE WITH ME!!” and began stepping away from the counter using wary steps until he cornered himself toward the back of the store. At this point the Panera manager came out and addressed Vernon as to what was wrong. In response Vernon pulled out his Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino and professed that in fact he was carrying in a coffee from the rival store. As the Panera manager assured him there was nothing to be upset about Vernon smashed the bottle on a nearby table creating a coffee bottle shank, which he began prodding at Panera customers in hopes of staving them off.

Orange County police arrived shortly afterwards and, using several tazers, were able to put Vernon in cuffs. Later that day Vernon released the following statement in regards to his actions.

“I love Panera. And I love Starbucks. So I thought I should just combine the two and have a great morning meal. All I really wanted was a Steak & Egg Breakfast Sandwich, not all this trouble.”

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