It has become glaringly clear that nothing can please the American public. When doughnuts weren’t tasty enough, doughnut holes were created. When people complained that Barbie was lonely, out of the sunset came Ken. Long story short, when America becomes disappointed, it gets something sparkly and new to please its bubbling ego.
But what if America disapproves of summer? Since the dawn of time the “hot season” has been a staple in the year. However, in recent weeks, the nation’s approval of summer has plummeted. A new poll, taken yesterday, shows that now only 47% of the United States populace now agrees with summer, and its old school platform. That number is a steep 40% drop since May 27th.
“For me it’s just same old, same old,” said Jim Meyers, a Washington state resident. “Summer has run on the same principles year after year. It’s 2012, but it acts like it’s still 1512. Those sorts of old school policies just won’t cut it anymore.”
For years policy experts have questioned summer’s commitment to pleasing the public, or whether years in the limelight as “everyone’s favorite season” have caused it to be corrupt and out of touch with what people want.
The sudden influx of doubt and disapproval calls into question whether summer can withstand anther chance to return in 2013. Sensing the doubt, rival campaign have begun the mudslinging, airing countless commercials and making ridiculous robotic phone calls highlighting all summer’s faults. For the most part these measures have been successful. “Recall Summer” signs have began popping up on front lawns, while other residents have refused to go to family picnics because the weather was “too nice.”
“People are fed up with summer,” stated expert Mackenzie James. “People are once again realizing that with summer comes sunburns, which really freakin’ hurt. Also, the hordes of cheesy Facebook statuses and tweets are just pissing people off. Not every one of us can live next to a beach, and that makes us mad.”
If summer cannot regain its approval, all hope of a reelection may be lost. Its low rating may allow for a successful campaign to unseat it and allow for two winters. If that happens it can be expected that flip-flop profits will nosedive, tanning-addicted females will check into psych wards, and, worst of all, country singers will be unable to twang about their favorite season. And if that happens you might as well just burn your American flags.
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